


Kaneki is Not A Cougar

by orphan_account



Category: Sword Art Online, Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Ghouls, Hide is a wingman, M/M, crack ship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-02 18:43:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4070551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kazuto Kirigaya becomes a regular at Anteiku.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First fic.  
> Why must my writing style change when writing original fiction and fanfiction.  
> why

On Saturday, a teenager came to Anteiku. He sat in the table near the corner, staying as far away from the other customers as he possibly could.

“Welcome to Anteiku .” Kaneki greeted with a smile. He pulled out a small clipboard and a pen from his pocket. “What will your order be today?”

“Um.” The teenager looked at the menu and flipped through the pages, skimming. After a moment, he put it down and looked up at his waiter. “ What do you recommend...” He squinted and looked at the name tag. “..Kaneki-san.”

“Oh! Let’s see…..” Kaneki tapped his chin with his pen. “I usually order dark coffee with some sugar cubes, but that might be too bitter for you. I guess a cappuccino.”

The teenager had no idea what a cappuccino was, but nodded anyway. “Alright.”

Kaneki scribbled his order on the clipboard. “Would you like a sandwich or a slice of cake?”

“Cake.” The teenager drummed his fingers on the table top. “Strawberry.”

“Sorry, we don’t have strawberry cake.” 

“Oh.”

“But we have strawberry shortcake if that’s good enough.”

The teenager nodded.

“Will that be all?” Kaneki asked.

“Yeah.” 

The waiter didn’t leave, though. He just looked at him, waiting.

“Um.” The teenager realized that Kaneki was expecting something, but he didn’t know what. “What do you want?”

Kaneki’s eyes widened and the teenager winced. Goddamn. That was a helluva more rude than he thought.

“Your name.” Kaneki said, his voice more soft. “I need your name.”

“Its Kazuto. Kazuto Kirigaya.” He gulped. “Sorry.”

Kaneki shook his head. “No no. Its fine. I should have asked you directly than let you make an inference, Kirigaya-san.”

Ouch. Kazuto knew he deserved it, but still. It hurt. His cheeks burned and he just knew they were red.

Kaneki tucked to clipboard back into his pocket. “You’re order will be ready soon, Kirigaya-san.”

“Ah. Thank you.” The waiter began to walk away and Kirito cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Sorry, Kaneki-san!”

Everyone in the cafe stopped what they were doing and stared at him. Kazuto covered his face.

Kaneki, after a moment, laughed. “Its fine, Kirigaya-san.”

When Kaneki returned later with Kazuto’s meal and a smile on his face, the teenager realized he was forgiven. 

He smiled back at the waiter.

 

Kazuto returned back to Anteiku the next Saturday. The Saturday after that. And the Saturday after that Saturday and so forth.

It was around the 2 month period of Kazuto becoming a regular when Kaneki asked where he came from.

“I haven’t seen you around in Tokyo, Kirigaya-san.” Kaneki remarked after getting Kazuto’s order. “And you’ve been coming to Anteiku for 2 months.”

“Ah.I don’t live in Tokyo.”

“Huh.” Kaneki raised his eyebrows. “Where do you live then, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“I live in Kawagoe City, at the Saitama Prefecture.” He scratched his cheek and looked away from Kaneki’s face. “Its usually takes me an hour to get to Anteiku”

“Why do you come to Anteiku, Kirigaya-sa-” 

Another waiter, a high schooler with purple hair, passed by Kaneki and smacked him over the head. “Get back to work.”

“Sorry, Touka-chan.” He looked at Kazuto and smiled apologetically. “Can we continue this conversation later?”

“Yeah.” Kazuto nodded. “Sure.”

“I get off my shift at…” Kaneki looked at the clock on the wall. “In 2 hours. Will you still be here then?”

Kazuto nodded again. “I don’t have to be back until 10.”

“Wait for me, Kirigaya-san.” The waiter said. “Please.”

“I will.”

 

For the next 2 hours, Kazuto slowly drank his coffee and ate his cake while watching Kaneki bustle around Anteiku. They would wave at each other every so often and trade smiles.

He had never realized how much a waiter needed to do. Take orders, make coffee, give coffee, and deal with rude customers.

Kazuto cringed as he remembered his first conversation with Kaneki. He cringed even further at what happened next.

Shouting in a cafe was not one his best choices, but being forgiven made up for that, no matter how embarrassing it was.

And Kaneki turned out to be an okay guy. Well, Kazuto knew he was an okay guy, but Kaneki was more okay than he expected. 

Kazuto then realized he didn’t know much about Kaneki even though they’ve known each other for two months. He didn’t know scat, not even how old Kaneki was or his first name.

He looked at the clock. 15 more minutes until they could hang out.

He drank the rest of his cappuccino and waited.

 

“Sorry for the wait.” Kaneki walked towards the table, still in his work clothes. 

“No, its fine.” Kazuto stood up and went up to the register to pay his bill, Kaneki right behind him. “So where are we going?”

Kaneki shrugged. “I was hoping to pass by my apartment first.” He tugged at his shirt. “To change clothes and freshen up.”

Kazuto nodded. “Lead the way.”

 

The walk to Kaneki’s apartment was spent in a comfortable silence, both being content to walk together quietly.

It wasn’t a very long walk, maybe 30 minutes at most. But the stairs leading up to the front door sucked.

“Well.” Kaneki unlocked the front door and opened it wide. “Welcome to my apartment.”

He and Kazuto stepped inside.

The apartment was neat, with no dirty garments littering the floor or anything out of place. The food was neatly stocked, all lined up, and his floors were clean. 

Kaneki entered his room, Kazuto right besides him. “You can wait here while I shower. The T.V. remote is there and I have some books on the shelves.”

He went over to his closet and began to pick what he would be wearing.

Kazuto went over the the bookshelf and looked at the titles. It was full of books written by someone called Takatsuki Sen, though there were some other authors. Amidst them all, there were some books significantly thicker than the others.

“You’re in college, Kaneki?” Kazuto traced his finger over the spine of the largest textbook.

“Yeah.” The black haired male went over to his drawer to add another article of clothing to the bunch in his arms. “I’m actually majoring in English Literature.”

“How old are you?” Kazuto looked at another textbook, this one slightly less thicker than the other. “I’m 16.”

“20.” Kaneki began to walk to the bathroom, then stopped. “You’re in high school?”

“Yeah.”

Kazuto is in high school. Kazuto is a teenager. Kazuto is in his room.

“Are you- are you okay with this, Kirigaya-san?” Kaneki’s voice came out softer than usual, and his cheeks were dusted over with a light pink. “Being in an adult’s house? Room?”

“Um. Yeah.” Kazuto looked at his friend. “I’m fine with this.

“O-okay.” The older male turned his head away, trying to hide his blush “I’ll be taking a sh- shower now.”

He went into the bathroom and locked the door.

Kazuto looked at the bathroom door. Once the shower turned on, he sat down on Kaneki’s bed.

What an odd guy.

He laid down in the best, his head hitting the pillow. What an odd guy with a good taste in shampoo.

 

Kaneki expected to see Kazuto doing something like watching T.V. or sitting and staring into space, not sleeping in his bed.

The teenager looked so comfortable, so peaceful. Kaneki didn’t want to wake him up and ruin the moment.

“Kirigaya-san.” Kaneki said. “Kirigaya-san, wake up.”

No response.

He began to shake the teenager gently, saying ‘Kirigaya-san’ and telling him to wake up. 

Eventually, Kazuto opened his eyes. He slowly sat up and rubbed them, yawning. “What?”

“You fell asleep while I was taking a shower, Kirigaya-san.” Kaneki said. He stood up and changed the subject. “Do you know where we should go out to?”

“How about the arcade?” Kazuto raised his arms and stretched. His back cracked. “So you know where any of the arcades are in Tokyo?”

“Yeah.” Kaneki grabbed his messenger back from his closet and slipped it on. “There’s one fairly close by. We’d need to take a bus though.”

“I don’t mind.” Kazuto got off the bed and walked besides Kaneki. “And prepare to be defeated. I’m good at games.”

 

The arcade wasn’t very full when Kaneki and Kazuto entered, as there were only maybe 20 people there at most. 

But that didn’t matter. What mattered was that when they played DDR, Kaneki wrecked Kazuto every match. Every. Single. One.

Their cup full of tokens depleted and the times that Kazuto was beaten only increased. Determination was etched in his face and he grit his teeth, inserting another coin into the machine

Kaneki also inserted another coin. He turned to the high schooler with a kind gentle smile on his face. “Are you ready to give up now, Kirigaya-san?”

Kazuto narrowed his eyes at him. “Never.”

The smile on Kaneki’s face widened. “Enjoy defeat, Kirigaya-san.”

He turned back to the screen just as the game started. Kazuto screamed at the the song’s lyrics a couple seconds later.

“-Where’s my samurai.” The machine sang. “I’ve been searching for man. All across Japan. Just to find my samurai, find my samurai.”

Kazuto screamed louder as he missed 4 steps in a row. 

“Someone who is strong.” Bad. “But still a little shy.” 2 goods. “Yes, I need, I need my samurai.” Miss. Miss. Miss Miss. Bad.

The chorus began. “Ai yai yai…”

Kazuto’s screen blackened and the words ‘Game Over’ were seen in all caps. He turned to Kaneki and looked at him, his eyes narrowed.

“How do you like defeat, Kirigaya-san.” Kaneki said as he hit all the steps perfectly while looking into Kazuto’s grey eyes. “Enjoying it?”

“No.” His cheeks reddened. “I want a rematch.”

“You sure?” Kaneki raised an eyebrow. “Even if the score is 23-0?”

“Yes.” Kazuto’s blushed harder. “Even if the score it 23-0”

“Alright.” The older male looked back at the screen. “After I beat the lev-”

At that moment, the DDR machine died. Its screen went black and there was a loud zap. Smoke slowly rose from the machine, thus activating the fire alarm, which activated the sprinklers and killed the rest of the machines in the arcade. 

Kazuto looked at all the broken machined around them, then looked at Kaneki in horror.

Kaneki looked at the busted machine in front of him, then at the oncoming staff members. His face was drained of all color.

The staff members got closer and the two realized that they weren’t even mad. Just tired and frustrated.

Kaneki stepped off the platform.

The staff member pointed to the exit, and Kaneki and Kazuto walked out stiffly, their eyes wide and faces pale.

All the other people inside were sent outside as well, giving the two the stink eye was they passed by them. 

Finally, Kaneki spoke. “What happened to being good at games, Kirigaya-san.”

The teen exploded, laughing so hard he was gasping for air.

“Kazuto, Kaneki.” He wheezed. “Call me Kazuto.”

“Okay,” A small smile bloomed on the older male’s face. “Kazuto.”

 

“You don’t need to walk me home, you know.” Kazuto said as he and Kaneki entered the train station. “I’ll be fine.”

They got in line for tickets for Nerima to Ikebukuro.

“Its late and Kawagoe city is kinda far.” Kaneki said. “I’m worried about you.”

Kazuto nodded.

 

“Kazuto,” Kaneki began once they had bought the tickets and had boarded the train. “You’re good at games, right? Not counting DDR.”

Kazuto frowned at the mention of DDR. “Yeah, I’m good at games.”

“What kind?”

He thought about for a moment. “VRMMORPGs, I think. Though I’ve only played one.”

“What was it?”

“SAO.”

“Sword Art Online?” Kaneki’s eyes widened. “You were one of the players? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, but,” His shoulders drooped slightly, “My wife- I mean girlfriend is still in there.”

“She’s one of the 300 still stuck in the game?” The older male placed a hand on his friend’s arm and patted it. “That’s rough, buddy.”

Kazuto remained silent.

 

As Kazuto neared home, the two exchanged numbers.

 

The next time Kaneki saw Kazuto, the teen looked to be on the verge of tearing his hair out. 

Kaneki didn’t need to ask to get and explanation.

“My girlfriend is in the new game, Alfheim Online.” He whispered when Kaneki was finished getting his order. “In a birdcage.”

Kaneki blinked. “Oh….Kay.”

“I’m going to bust her out.” Kazuto smiled weakly at him. “And then I’ll introduce her to you.”

“Good luck, Kazuto.”

Clearly, the teen was going insane. So Kaneki gave him another slice of strawberry shortcake. On the house.

Touka smacked him for that.

 

The next time Kazuto came to Anteiku, his left cheek had a bandage and there was a satisfied look on his face.

Kaneki already knew what happened, as Kazuto sent him numerous texts about what had transpired between he and Sugou, along with how his girlfriend was finally awoken from her coma.

He couldn’t help but feel proud at what his friend had accomplished, even his he didn’t have anything to do with it.

“Congratulations, Kazuto.” Kaneki had said while getting the teen’s order. He didn’t know why he even asked for it anymore, since it was the same thing since he first started coming to Anteiku. 

“Hey, Kaneki?” The teen grinned at him. “Wanna hang out today?”

The waiter nodded. “Where?”

“You pick.”

“Let’s see...” He tapped his pencil on his chin. “There’s Big Girl Restaurant-”

“Big Girl Restaurant, eh.” Kazuto looked up into the waiter’s eyes and raised his eyebrows, his mouth a straight line. “What kind of place could that possibly be?”

“I-it has good burgers, okay?” Color rose to Kaneki’s cheeks and the tips of his ears reddened. “I go there with Hide, all the time.”

Kazuto continued to stare at him. Kaneki looked down at his clipboard. The blush on his face became darker.

“My shift ends in an hour.” Kaneki muttered before scurrying back to work.

The teen laughed softly and leaned forward, resting his chin on the palm of his hand and watching Kaneki run about.

The blush on the waiter’s face had not died yet. In fact, it only got worse, because every time Kaneki looked at his friend, Kazuto would shoot him a shit eating grin.

That led him to stutter while trying to get the other customer’s orders. And that led to Touka smacking them both.

Kazuto never realized how important it was to not fluster someone who was working. And Kazuto then realized that he’d do it again. And again. And again.

 

“So who’s Hide?” Kazuto asked once they were at Big Girl restaurant, waiting to be seated. 

The line wasn’t very long, fortunately. There were only about two people in front of them, and as Kaneki responded, they were lead to a table.

“His full name is Hideyoshi. And Hide...” A soft and small smile grew on Kaneki’s face. “Hide is a dear friend of mines.” 

Kazuto nodded. He wondered what kind of person Hide was, to make Kaneki smile at just merely saying his name.

So naturally, he asked.

“What’s Hide like?” Kazuto drummed his fingers on the side of his thigh. “What kind of person is he?”

“He’s friendly and smart. A great person.” Kaneki raised his eyebrows. “Why do you want to know?”

Kazuto shrugged. “I just do.”

They stood in silence for a while, waiting for the waiter to come and assign them a table. 

Kaneki broke the silence. “Kazuto, can you tell me about your girlfriend?”

“Asuna? Sure.” The teen stopped his drumming and looked over at him. “What do you want to know?”

“Um.” Kaneki hadn’t expected to be able to ask specific question. He furrowed his eyebrows. “I gue-”

“Ah! Kaneki-san!” A waiter, a young woman with black hair, interrupted him, unintentionally. “Welcome back to Big Girl Restaurant!”

Kaneki returned the smile and gave her a small wave. “Hi, Ohashi-san.” 

“No Hide? How shocking.” She turned and looked over at Kazuto. “And who might this fellow be?”

“He’s Kazuto Kirigaya. A friend of mine.”

Ohashi gave him a once over, then turned to Kaneki. “He’s pretty young. Kaneki-san, where did you meet him?”

“He’s actually a regular at Anteiku’s. And you know that I work there.” Kaneki rubbed the back of his neck. “Table please, Ohashi-san.”

“Oh, right!” She turned around and began to walk. “At the usual spot, Kaneki-san?”

“Yeah.” 

 

“So what do you want to know about Asuna?” Kazuto asked once the waiter left them alone with 2 menus. He opened his menu and skimmed through it before looking up at his friend.

“What kind of person she is, I guess.” Kaneki pushed his own menu to the side to look at Kazuto. “To make do what you did to free her.”

“Asuna is...a nice person. Very loyal. Pretty. Annoying at times.” Kazuto scratched his cheek lightly, a small blush on his face. “I can’t live without her.” 

Ah. Young love. An intense, but fleeting thing. Kaneki wondered how long the two would last.

Hide’s relationships never lasted long when he was a teenager, and they still don’t. But then again, maybe that was a Hide thing. 

“To be in a romantic relationship with someone seems nice.” Kaneki smiled softly. “I’d like to experience that one day.”

“You mean you haven’t dated someone?” Kazuto’s eyes widened. “Have you ever been on a date?”

Kaneki once had went on a date with a pretty girl named Rize, but she turned out to be a serial killer and tried to kill him by stabbing while walking home. Then a steel beam fell down on her.

Kaneki decided this did not count and shook his head. “Nope.”

The waiter then came and took their order and Kazuto, not knowing jack about this restaurant, just ordered whatever Kaneki ordered.

 

After Big Girl Restaurant the two went over to the library, where Kaneki gushed over Takatsuki Sen and bought Kazuto The Black Goat’s Egg both as a congratulation present and to get someone to talk about the book with.

“What is it about?” Kazuto asked as he read the summary on the back of the cover. “How would you describe it?”

Kaneki’s face brightened and he began to explain not only the plot, but the character development and the metaphors scattered within.

Kazuto knew instantly it would not be his kind of thing, but for the sake of Kaneki, he would read it. All 300 pages.

 

Everything was going all well and fine, with Kazuto’s girlfriend slowly recovering and him finishing The Black Goat’s Egg, only for Kaneki to urge him to read Dear Kafka and Takatsuki Sen’s other works.

They weren’t particularly bad. In fact, they were quite good. But they messed with Kazuto’s head and made him think deep. He wasn’t sure if he liked that.

Kazuto said he’d bring Asuna to Anteiku once she’d regain the ability to walk without assistance, so satisfy both her curiosity of why he didn’t play on Saturdays and Kaneki’s of who exactly his girlfriend was.

Everything was going fine.

Everything was going fine until Asuna broke up with Kirito.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kazuto goes through the pain of heartbreak. Kaneki helps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter  
> I also didn't actually finish watching SAO season 2.  
> dedicated to Dirk Parable, as an early b-day present.

On a Friday, at 6 in the goddamn morning, Kaneki was rudely woken up by someone ringing the door bell.

Who in their right mind would go and ring someone’s doorbell at 6 in the god forsaken morning? 

Kaneki rolled out of bed and shuffled over to the front door, yawning and trying to fully open his eyes. There was a dry trail of drool running from the corner of his mouth down to his chin and he just knew his hair would be out of control.

But Kaneki didn’t care. He just wanted to know who in their right mind would ring someone’s doorbell at 6 am.

He pulled the door open and opened his mouth to politely ask - what the fuck are you doing ringing my doorbell at 6 am on a fucking Friday and interrupting my sleep, you jackass? 

Politely, of course. 

Kaneki opened his mouth was was prepared to rant- but the moment he saw who it was, the angry tirade he was about to deliver flew out his mind. 

Kazuto was there, his school uniform haphazardly thrown on, with terrible bedhead and bags under those pretty grey eyes of his. His eyes were swollen and and his nose was red.

All in all, the teenager looked like crap.

Kaneki quickly ushered him in and locked the door.

He led Kazuto to his room and made him sit on his bed, which was messy and still warm from sleeping.

Kaneki sat next to him and put a hand on his back, rubbing small circles. Now that he was closer, he could see tear stains on the teenager’s cheeks.

“Asuna broke up with me.” Kazuto flopped over on the bed, so his head rested on Kaneki’s pillow. He looked at Kaneki’s back and put a hand in his lap. “I don’t know why.”

The older male linked his fingers with Kazuto’s and rubbed circles on the back of the teen’s hand with his thumb.

Kazuto slowly inhaled and exhaled, his heart beating faster. “She did it in game. While we were playing Alfheim.” His voice became more shaky. “She broke up with me inside a game.”

Kazuto’s eyes burned and his throat clogged up. “Why did she have to do it in game? What did I do wrong?” The teen’s voice then cracked. “Why?”

He buried his face into the pillow. His shoulders shook and his breathing was erratic. Kazuto squeezed Kaneki’s hand.

Kaneki squeezed back.

 

Kaneki remained next to the teen, holding his hand, until Kazuto’s sobs dies down. He never expected to be put into a position where he would comfort someone. And he never expected for Kazuto to cry. But it happened.

Kaneki just hoped he wouldn’t mess up.

The only sound in the room was Kazuto’s heavy breathing. Kaneki looked at the clock. 6:30.

“Kazuto.” He slowly untangled their fingers and settled on holding the teen’s hand between his palms. “I need to get ready for university.” He gently placed Kazuto’s hand on the bed, close to the teen’s chest. “And don’t you need to go to school?”

Kazuto looked up at him. “I’m skipping.”

The teen looked even worse than he did before, and that's saying something. His eyes were even more swollen and his nose was even more red. His cheeks were wet and sticky from his tears. The area under his eyes looked to be darker than before.

Obviously, the person that said crying helped make things better had never met Kirigaya Kazuto.

“You probably should.” Kaneki patted Kazuto’s head then stood up, the joints in this knees popping loudly. “And go to sleep, please. You need it.”

Kazuto watched the older male go about and select his clothing, grabbing a towel as well before heading off to the bathroom.

He looked at the doorway that Kaneki exited and stared. He stared at where Kaneki once was. He stared at the empty space. At the nothing, which was what he was now that Asu-

Kazuto decided his thoughts were getting too weird. He closed his eyes before the waterworks came and ignored the slight burn that came after a rather heavy crying session.

Following Kaneki’s advice would be the best plan of action to take. But first, Kazuto had to do one thing.

Call Suguha so she won’t flip her shit.

 

When Kaneki exited the bathroom fifteen minutes later, Kazuto was in a heated conversation on the phone, pacing around the room.

“-in Tokyo. I’m fine!” He fingers were clenched around the phone, the whites of his knuckles were clearly visible. “I’m with a friend. A good friend. In his house.” Kazuto grit his teeth. “How old is he? 20.” 

Kaneki could hear loud shouting coming from the phone even though he was standing in the doorway.

“What are you-” Kazuto scowled and raised his voice.” For fuck’s sake, Sugu. Kaneki is not going to hurt me. He’s not that kind of guy!”

The person on the phone raised their voice as well.

Kaneki cut in before things could escalate any further, putting a hand on the teen’s shoulder. “Kazuto? Can I talk to them?”

The other speaker on the phone fell silent. 

Kazuto nodded, slowly breathing to calm down. “She’s my sister, Suguha.” He handed his phone to Kaneki.

“Ah, thank you.” He put the phone to his ear. “Would you like to eat anything after this? I have some time before I need to go to uni.”

Kazuto shook his head.

“Well, go to the kitchen and wait, I guess. This talk probably won’t be very long.” Kaneki watched the teenager leave the room and take a seat at the table, still looking terrible. Poor sod.

“Hello? Suguha Kirigaya-san?” Kaneki spoke into the phone quietly and walked away from the door, out of the teenager’s sight. “This is Kaneki Ken, your brother’s friend.”

Suguha said nothing.

“I’m just letting you know that I would never harm Kazuto and that he will be skipping school.” Kaneki cringed at the last part. “He doesn’t look very good. And I think that going to school would make it worse. He needs some sleep.”

Suguha continued to remain silent, and Kaneki’s palms grew sweaty.

Because oh god- what if he said the wrong thing and made her hate him? What if she got the wrong idea? What if-

“Take care of my brother.” She said, breaking his thought process. “Something happened with him and Asuna and for some reason, he’s with you.”

Her voice was bitter, as if it took every ounce of willpower to utter that phrase. And it probably did. Her brother went to someone they didn’t even know for comfort.

It hurted.

“Don’t worry.” Kaneki chuckled. “I will.”

“You better.” 

 

Kazuto was still staring at the doorway with glazed eyes when Kaneki returned from his room.

“Hey, Kazuto.” Kaneki shook the teen’s shoulder gently, trying to bring him back to reality. “Kazuto, your phone.”

That snapped him out of his daze. He looked up at Kaneki. “Oh. How did the conversation go?”

“It went fine.” Kaneki looked at his friend’s unfocused eyes. He wasn’t sure if the poor sod was staring at him or just in his general direction. Kaneki did know, however, that Kazuto needed sleep

“Kazuto, you should sleep.” He grabbed the teen’s hand and tugged it. “You need to sleep.”

“Yeah.” Kazuto stood up quickly and stumbled over to Kaneki’s room, suffering from head rush. He flopped on the older male’s bed. “Thanks.”

He buried his face in the pillow, inhaling its scent. Because seriously- what kind of shampoo did Kaneki use?

Kaneki raised his eyebrows, but said nothing regarding the teen’s actions. “I’m going to make some food. Sorry if the noise bothers you.”

Kazuto mumbled something along the lines of ‘its cool’ and ‘mmph’, then rolled over.

Kaneki shook his head and laughed silently to himself before heading over to the kitchen.

 

30 minutes before, Kaneki left, he decided to check up on Kazuto.

The teen was fast asleep and he definitely looked better than he did before. Still like crap, but significantly less so.

The blanket was also down near his waist.

Kaneki grabbed the large cloth and pulled it up so that it was back to covering the teen and keeping him warm.

He patted the teen’s head.

Kazuto murmured something and scooted a little closer, still asleep.

Kaneki let out a small laugh. 

The moment ended when Kaneki looked at the clock and realized he had to be gone soon or else he’d miss the bus.

He slipped on his messenger back and left the apartment, but not before covering Kazuto’s share of breakfast and writing him a note.

 

Sometime later, Kazuto woke up feeling no better than he did a couple hours earlier. The only difference was that his bed head became worse and that there was now a bad taste in his mouth.

Damn morning breath.

He turned the pillow to the cold side and buried his face into it. He pulled the blanket over his head and tried to go back to sleep.

5 minutes passed. Then 10. And then 15.

No success.

Kazuto huffed and kicked the blankets off, untangling his legs from the large cloth. He rolled over so that he was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. 

It was mainly quiet, if not for the faucet dripping in the kitchen. And as Kazuto listened to the steady dripping, time seemed to slow and all color faded. The only thing that actually that was solid- that he knew was there - was the leaky sink.

Asuna was gone. Yui was gone. Klein was gone. Suguha was gone. Everyone was gone. Kaneki was gone.

He was all alone.

Kazuto’s eyes stung and he hastily wiped away his tears. 

Their places in his life somehow changed overnight since Asuna broke up with him and undoubtable told them. Things would be different. And Kazuto wasn’t sure how it would work or if he even would like it.

He waited until the tears stopped coming, until he could breath normally.

Then he got up and went over to the kitchen to turn off the faucet. The world came back to its normal speed and the colors were back.

Kazuto licked his teeth, then grimaced. He quickly turned on the sink put a handful of water in his mouth, swishing it all around, gargling it, then spitting it back out.

He was about to go back to bed, when something on the table caught his eye. A plate with eggs and toast, covered in rap and his phone.

Under that, there was a note from Kaneki telling him to eat the food and to feel better. There was also a little well done doodle in the corner, of Kaneki waving at him with a smile on his face.

Kazuto took a seat at the table and began to eat, a small smile on his face.

Kaneki Ken. What a nice guy.

 

After eating, he went back to the bed, wrapping himself up in the blanket and burying his face in the pillow for maximum comfort, fully prepared to take another nap.

Just as he was about to fall asleep, his phone, which was all the way over at the kitchen table, whistled.

Kazuto considered ignoring it to stay in bed- to relish the soft blankets, nice smelling pillow, and soft blankets.

But someone texted him. He didn’t know who texted him, but still.

After a couple moments of deep contemplation, Kazuto chose to relinquish the nice confines of the bed to check his phone.

It turned out to be from Kaneki, telling him that he would be back at in about 4 hours due to working at Anteiku and that if he got hungry again, to make something to eat.

Kazuto nodded responded with a simple ‘Okay’, then returned to the bed, mindful to put his phone on the bedside table.

He returned to his earlier position, with being wrapped up on a blanket and his head on the cool side of the pillow, and laid there. He then realized he no longer had any desire to sleep.

Kazuto huffed and got up. He began to pace around Kaneki’s room and once again, looked at the bookshelf.

It’s contents were the same, being textbooks, Takatsuki Sen, and other lesser known novels. But there was a new book, one that Kazuto hasn’t read yet, The Hanged Man’s MacGuffin.

Kazuto looked at the clock. Kaneki wouldn’t be back until 4 hours, and he was pretty sure the older male wouldn’t mind him reading it.

With his decision made, Kazuto plucked the book off the shelf and returned to the bed. 

 

When Kaneki returned from Anteiku, Kazuto was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the wall. And though he looked better than before, his face was blank and his eyes were glazed over.

Kaneki was about to ask what was wrong when he saw the book in the teen’s hand. The Hanged Man’s MacGuffin.

He suppressed a laugh. That book, like The Black Goat’s Egg, was quite dark and sad. And knowing Kazuto, he was probably trying to figure out exactly what had happened in the book without overthinking it. But of course, that led to overthinking it.

And the best way for to get Kazuto to recover from such a thing was to leave those thoughts to simmer in his head until he couldn’t stand it and had to discuss it.

Kaneki stepped into his room and pulled off his apron, hanging it on a rack. “Kazuto, after I shower, do you want to watch a movie with me?”

That brought him out of his daze. The teenager looked at the older male. “What kind?”

“Fantasy and romance, I think.” Kaneki went over to his closet and began to pick his pajamas. “Hide left it here after movie night a couple months ago.”

“What’s it called?”

“The Princess Bride. Its in drawer right besides you.” Kaneki watched Kazuto pull out the movie and read the summary on the back, his eyebrows going higher up his forehead.

He looked at Kaneki questioningly. 

“Hide was the one who picked the movie.” 

That explained everything.

 

Kaneki exited the bathroom after 15 minutes with wet hair and in his pajamas.

Kazuto looked at his pants and narrowed his eyes. “Are those….eggs?”

“Y-yeah.” A small blush spread across the older male’s face. “Hide got them for me as a joke. Because you know, The Black Goat’s Egg.”

"Does that mean you have goat patterned ones as well?" Kaneki's blush darkening confirmed his suspicions. Kazuto snickered. "How cute."

"You should change into something comfortable." Kaneki looked away from the teenager. "We'll be watching movies for the entire night, you know."

He walked over to his closet and pulled out a t-shirt and pajama pants, then threw them to Kazuto. "Put these on in the bathroom while I get the movie ready."

"Thanks, Kaneki." Kazuto caught them and sauntered to the bathroom. As he was putting on the pants, he realized they were goat patterned.

He smiled fondly.

 

The plan was for them to huddle together on the bed and share a blanket. Then they would watch as many movies and binge on as many snacks as they could until they fell asleep.

All in all, it was a good plan. And it was working great, though the two had to press close to each other for the blanket to go around their shoulders completely.

They had finished watching the Princess Bride and were in the middle of marathoning the Twilight series (currently, they were on New Moon) when Kaneki fell asleep.

Kazuto wouldn’t have noticed until he felt a weight on his shoulder.

Kaneki’s eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly open as slowly breathed in and out. His bangs fell over his eyes,. Kazuto tried to tuck it behind his ear

Keyword: Tried.

Kaneki’s hair was too short for that.

Nevertheless, Kazuto tried again and again. And again.

Eventually, he huffed and settled on brushing Kaneki’s bangs back, messing it up and making it stick up a little. The result was not what he expected, but appreciated nonetheless.

Kazuto laughed quietly to himself.

He leaned back on Kaneki and continued to watch the movie. Though terrible, it provided some entertainment.

And entertainment was what he needed, since the nap he took earlier prevented him from going to sleep.

So Kazuto watched the terrible movie with Kaneki leaning on him and him leaning back.

 

When Kaneki woke up, the birds were chirping and the sun was high up in the sky.

He was also in the same bed as Kazuto. Right next to him, to be exact.

Of course, that was to be expected. Considering that had spent the most of last night watching terrible and cheesy movies.

What was not expected was for Kaneki to feel a fluttering in his stomach, for his heart to pound faster, for his palms to get sweaty, and for a blush to grow on his face as he laid next to Kazuto and looked at the teen’s sleeping face.

And what was most definitely not expected was for Kaneki to feel a sudden urge to give him a hug. Not a short one, but a long one. One that blurred the lines between cuddling and a simple hug.

Kaneki’s stomach flopped as he slowly realized what that meant. He had a crush on Kazuto.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe- just maybe- I'll be able to understand ao3's formatting  
> (damn italics)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide is the bestest friend ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowee wow  
> I feel like my writing sorta changes with each chapter

Contrary to prior belief, Kaneki did not leap out of the bed the very moment he realized he had a crush.

No. Leaping was too inaccurate and insinuated that he was mortified by his crush. And mortified was too extreme a word.

And Kaneki didn’t leave the bed the very moment he had a crush. It was more than a moment. And if he had to estimate how many moments, he would say about 42.

Third of all, he did not leave to bed due to the realization he had a crush. He left the bed for an entirely different reason.

So a more exact statement would be: Kaneki promptly rolled off the bed and hit the floor with a thud once he processed Kazuto murmuring his name in his sleep.

Hearing your crush say their name in their sleep isn’t exactly a common thing, after all. Unless you’re a vampire who watches them sleep just about every night, but that’s something no one really wants to talk about.

      

Naturally, Kaneki texted Hide for advice about his current situation.  To which, the blond responded: Pics pls.

The older male looked at the sleeping teen, then at his phone, and back at the sleeping teen. He swallowed his pride and guilt and shakily held up his phone and took a pic of a sleeping Kazuto.

And when he sent it to Hide, the blonde only had one response: _u cougar._

Kaneki scoffed. **As if.**

He looked back at Kazuto just in time to see the teen awkwardly tug his collar down low while scratching himself.

It takes a couple moments for Kaneki realize what he just saw, but once he does, a blush just explodes on his face.

**Help me Hide.**

_what happened?_

It takes several moments for Kaneki to respond, but once he does, the wait is worth it. **Nip slip.**

_big girl in 30 min. spill._

So Kaneki quickly selects his clothes and dashes over to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth while showering and makes sure to leave Kazuto a note.

He then proceeds to run all the way to Big Girl Restaurant.

Kaneki was still wheezing for breath by the time Ohashi had seated Hide and him. The blond’s headphones hung around his neck.

“Soooooo, Kaneki.” There was a shit eating grin on Hide’s face. “Tell me, how did you come to be a cougar?”

Kaneki stopped wheezing for a moment to groan. “I’m not a cougar.”

“Then whats this about having a crush on a-” Hide looked around and then leaned forward, dropping his voice to a whisper. “-highschooler?”

“Hide, shut up.” Kaneki hissed, his cheeks reddening.

“And whats this thing about him sleeping in your bed?” The shit eating grin on Hide’s face widened. “And then there was a...nip slip.”

Kaneki choked in his spit and immediately regretted telling his friend about the latter part. Hide cackled.

   

“So whats his name?” Hide asked once his laughter died and Kaneki’s coughing fit ended.

“Kazuto.” Kaneki wiped his mouth. He saw some spit on his sleeve and grimaced. “Kirigaya Kazuto.”

Unfortunately, right as he said that, Ohashi decided to come over and take their order.

“Oh! You’re talking about the cute guy you brought here a couple weeks ago?” She said as she pulled out her notepad.

Hide glances at him, then looked up at Ohashi, his smile bright enough to cause some serious eye damage.

Kaneki feared what would come out of Hide’s mouth.

“Yeah, that guy.” The blonde’s smile widened. “The one who is also sleeping in Kaneki’s bed right now.”

Ohashi gasped and looked at the black haired male. “Kaneki-san! Who knew you’d be so daring!”

Kaneki covered his face.

   

Ohashi eventually left after getting their orders, but not without making the two give her their number.

“Tell me everything.” She had said as Kaneki scrawled his number on the paper and passed it to Hide. “And let me know if there’s anything I could do to help.”

“Don’t worry, Ohashi-san.” Hide handed the paper back to her and gave her a wink. "Kaneki will need all the help he can get."

The black haired male narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, Kaneki," Hide smiled at him. "That this time, you'll be getting some assistance."

"What?"

Understanding dawned on Ohashi's face. She giggled. "Kaneki-san, I'll be rooting for you, and I'm sure your friends will be too."

"Thanks?" Kaneki watched her walk away. Once she was out of sight, he turned to Hide and hissed. "Why did you tell her?"

"To recruit her!" Hide's smile disappeared and he looked at his friend, somber. "I'm not sure if you realize it Kaneki, but you have terrible luck with crushes."

Kaneki was about to argue, but then he remembered that Rize was a serial killer who stabbed him and that Kazuto was a high schooler who is currently going through heartbreak and had participated in a game where people occasionally killed each other.

"Anyway," Hide continued. "You're going to need some assistance if you hope to woo him.”

Kaneki blinked. “I-”

“Sssssssh.” The blonde put a finger on Kaneki’s lips. “Just let us help you.”

“Us?”

“Don’t question it.” Hide leaned back and stroked his chin. His voice became posh. “So tell me, Kaneki. What events led you to realize that you are, in fact, a cougar?”

After staring for a couple moments, Kaneki realized Hide was pretending to be a high class investigator.

He played along.

“Oh, it all started one Saturday.” Kaneki’s voice was a high falsetto. He batted his eyelashes. “When I was working at Anteiku….”

When Ohashi gave them their food, Kaneki had forgotten to act normally.

“Thank you very much, Ohashi-san.” He had said while still maintaining the falsetto. Unfortunately, his voice cracked.

Kaneki covered his face,

Hide nearly died laughing.

Hide’s eyebrows were high up on his forehead when Kaneki finished his story. “So he just broke up with his girlfriend.”

Kaneki nodded.

“And he went to you for comfort. Then you guys held hands for a while.” At Kaneki’s second nod, Hide continued. “You make him breakfast. And when you come back, you guys share a blanket and sit super close to each other. Then you guys fall asleep. Together. In the same bed.”

“And when you woke up, you realize you have  a crush on him. Then he says your name in his sleep.”

Hide looked at Kaneki. “And he likes you just as a friend, right?”

Kaneki nodded.

“O-kay.” The blonde let out a long, low whistle. “This is going to be...tricky. I’m going to have to get more info on him.”

Kaneki takes a bite out of his steak and shrugs.

The rest of the meal is filled with mindless chatter.

Before they leave, Kaneki orders some food to-go.

“So...Kaneki. Your crush will be back on Saturday, right?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Hide smiles, a small a conspiratorial one. “No reason.”

Kazuto is awake and sitting at the kitchen table, reading and replying to all the messages on his phone when Kaneki comes back.

He looks up from his phone to greet the older male. “Welcome back.”

Kaneki cannot help but think how this is domestic. So very domestic. Like those couples you see in-.

He squashes those thoughts down and tries to rid himself of the butterflies in his stomach. Of course, he fails because his thoughts, like the damned butterflies in his stomach, are something beyond their plane

of existence and thus- are unable to be confined.

“Yeah, I’m back.” Kaneki closes the door and places the styrofoam tray in the table. “And I brought food.”

“Thank you.” Kazuto places his phone down in the table and opens the tray, digging in.

Kaneki takes a seat across from him and watches him. “Do you want to go out today or anything?”

The teen shakes his head. “It sorta feels like a lazy day, you know. Just wanna….lie around and relax, I guess.”

“Yeah.” Kaneki looks at Kazuto’s face and smiles. “Today is a lazy day.”

While that’s happening, Hide summons some people to Anteiku to recruit them in his epic task of being Kaneki’s wingman.

 Nishio was in the middle of some hot, wild monkey sex with Kimi when his damned phone whistled. He was perfectly content to ignore it, but no- Kimi had insisted, claiming it would be better to take care of any

potential distractions before continuing their activities.

And Nishio, wanting to have some hot, wild monkey sex, agreed.

_pls come to anteiku,_ the text read. _kaneki became a cougar_

Nishio had snorted and was prepared to ignore it, but alas- Kimi had read it over his shoulder and became more interested in the situation than the hit wild monkey sex they were previously having. And Nishio

knew he wouldn't be getting some.

So when he came to Anteiku with a mild case of blue balls and Kimi trailing behind him, it was understandable that he cussed Hide out before taking a seat.

"So tell us the fucking deal with Kaneki being a cougar." He hissed, glaring at Hide.

But the blonde  only winked and said. "Wait until everyone else is here."

And then Tsukiyama- mother fucking Tsukiyama in all his fancy ass glory- entered Anteiku and approached their table

Naturally, Nishio punched Hide. "What the fuck is he doing here?"

The blond gingerly rubbed his cheek. "To help us help Kaneki, of course."

“Speaking of Kaneki-kun,” Tsukiyama took a seat next to Hide and rested his chin on his palm. “What is this about him becoming a ‘cougar’?”

Hide just shoots him a smile and says. “Wait until the others get here.”

The ‘others’ as Hide puts it are Uta, Ohashi, and Touka, who has Hinami tagging along.

As they take seat at the table, everyone stares at Hide, silently asking why they were called to Anteiku.

In response, the blonde pulls out his phone and shows them all an image on a sleeping teenager with black hair, wearing a t-shirt and goat patterned pajama pants.

“This,” He says as the places the phone at the center of the table, forcing everyone to lean forward. “Is who Kaneki has a crush on.”

Kimi’s eyes widen slightly and Nishio cannot suppress his thoughts. “What the fuck.”

Touka and Tsukiyama nod in agreement. Hinami raises her eyebrows and Uta strokes his chin thoughtfully. Ohashi hides her smile.

“And,” Hide continues, unaware of the approaching footsteps. “He just broke up with his girlfriend.”

“So he goes to Kaneki for com-”

“Ah. Hideyoshi-san.” The manager interrupts, smiling down at them all. “Why don’t you all take this conversation to the second floor. I’m sure it’ll be more comfortable there.”

They all relocate to the second floor and take a seat. Hide doesn’t expect the manager to join them.

“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just interested in Kaneki-kun’s newfound crush. Its nice that he’s over Rize.” Yoshimura chuckles a little. “And tell me, Hideyoshi-san. What’s this about Kaneki-kun being a ‘cougar’?”

The blonde coughs and looks at the others for assistance, only to find them looking away.

He looks back at Yoshimura. “Its someone who...um.”

The manager smiles at him and Nishio snickers.

Hide breathes in and continues. “Its someone who likes another person that is younger than them.”

He pulls out his phone and shows the manager a picture of Kaneki’s crush. “See? He’s like 16 or something.”

Yoshimura nods. “And you mentioned he recently broke up with his girlfriend?”

“Yeah, man. Then he goes to Kaneki for comfort and spends the night there.” Hide shrugs. “He’s still there. Not sure what they’re doing though.”

The manager looks at them all, examining them. “And Hideyoshi-san, why have you brought along all these people?”

The blonde grins. “To recruit them in helping Kaneki woo him, of course! He doesn’t exactly have the best luck with crushes, after all.”

Everyone winces as they remember Rize.

“Ah. Then do you mind if I join your discussion?” Yoshimura asks, a gentle smile on his wrinkled face. “I’d like to assist you guys in getting Kaneki-kun a boyfriend.”

Hide’s grin grows wider and he nods. “First of all, how it all started need to be explained.”

The blond’s voice becomes a high falsetto and he bats his eyelashes, much to Tsukiyama’s confusion and Nishio and Touka’s disgust. “Oh it all started one Saturday, when Kaneki was working at Anteiku…”

While Hide spills all the details of his best friend's love life, Kaneki and Kazuto are laying down on the floor and are continuing their twilight marathon from last night.

"This movie sucks." Kazuto rolls over on his stomach and looks over at Kaneki. "Why are we even watching it?"

The older male lifts his head up briefly to meet Kazuto's gaze. "Because it sucks."

The teen can't argue with that logic and goes back to watching the movie just in time to see Edward and Bella snog.

He cringes and looks away. Kaneki pats his cheek.

Tsukiyama is the first person the speak once Hide finishes his story.

"So, Hideyoshi-san.” He leans a little forward and stares at the blonde, his eyebrows slightly raised. “How exactly are we going to help, Kaneki-kun?”

Hide coughs to get rid of his falsetto. “The first thing to do is to find out more about him.”

He goes on his phone and quickly types up the teen’s name, showing them all the results. “Apparently, he was the one who beat SAO. But that isn’t the kind of info we need.” He shakes his head. “The info we

need can only be obtained through meeting him personally.”

Hide’s gaze sharpens. “And Kirigaya Kazuto comes to Anteiku every Saturday.”

He doesn’t follow up his statement and an awkward silence falls upon them.

Tsukiyama coughs and is about to break the ice when Hide continues and explains the plan.

“Kazuto, don’t you need to go home now?” Kaneki asks once they complete their marathon.

The teen looks at the clock, which reads 7:34. “Yeah.” He stands up and stretches, his bones popping loudly. “I do.”

“And do you know where my school uniform is? I can’t really really go out in pajama pants.”

“They’re in the bathroom.” Kaneki looks in the closet and pulls out his own clothes to change. “And do you mind if I walk you home? Its getting late.”

“Nah.” Kazuto says as he goes into the bathroom to change his clothes. “I don’t mind.”

   

The very moment Kazuto steps foot into Anteiku, he knows that something isn’t right. Kaneki is not there and two guys, one with blonde hair and the other with purple hair, are sitting at his usual seat.

Something is definitely not right.

“Hey, Kirigaya!” The blonde waves at him, a smile on his face. “Take a seat with us, man! Kaneki told me about you.”

Kazuto figures he must’ve made a weird face while because the blonde quickly tacks on: “Oh yeah. I’m Hide. And this guy is Tsukiyama.”

The purple haired guy waves at him. “Bonjour.”

   

    _“The plan is simple,” Hide says. “Nishio, Uta, and Hinami distract Kaneki and make him late for work. Yoshimura-san will make sure that he doesn’t get marked up. Touka will carry on as usual. Lastly,_

_Tsukiyama and me will talk with Kirigaya. Are there any questions?”_

_Kimi raises her hand. “What will me and Ohashi do?”_

_“Go with Kazuto once Tsukiyama and I are finished.” Hide gives her a wink. “Find out some info that Tsukiyama and I weren’t able to.”_

****  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at long last, chapter 3 is up  
> time to catch up on OnS
> 
> thank you for reading! \o/


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki is late and Kazuto is questioned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like my writing gets worse with each chapter written

When Hinami and Touka dropped by on Friday, Kaneki thought nothing of it. When Hinami went to the bathroom with a bag and took longer than normal, Kaneki thought nothing of it. When Touka took his phone messed with it, he thought nothing of it.

Now it was Saturday and his alarm clock hadn't gone off, making him late for work and forcing to take a speed shower, which mainly consisted of him swearing every 7 seconds.

And because he was taking a speed shower, he didn't notice that his shampoo had been swapped with white hair dye until too late.

Kaneki was running to Anteiku when he caught sight of his reflection on a large ass window.

He looked at it in horror.

He could see Nishio coming up from behind, but he didn’t care. All Kaneki could think about was his _fucking white hair._

“What the hell happened to your hair?” Nishio kicked the back of his leg. “You look like a shitty anime protagonist.”

Kaneki winced. He just knew he’d bruise later. “I don’t know.”

“People don’t accidentally dye their hair white.”

“Well I did.”

Kaneki remembered he was late to Anteiku and was about to get back to running there when Nishio grabbed his collar.

The white haired male flailed. “What are you doing?”

“This.”

Nishio punched him and sent Kaneki sprawling to the hard sidewalk, giving him both a nosebleed and bruised ass.

“What was that for?” Kaneki wiped his nose with the back of his palm. God, he hoped it wouldn’t drip down to his uniform.

Blood was a pain to get out of white clothes.

“For cock blocking me!” Nishio gave another kick and ‘tched’ when Kaneki scooted back just in time to avoid it. “If you weren’t a shitty cougar, I wouldn’t have been interrupted!”

“What? I’m not a cou-” Kaneki narrowed his eyes as he realized what that meant. “ _Hide_.”

“Yeah, its Hide. The shithead messaged me.” Nishio looked down at the younger male. “And are you going to fight back or what.”

Kaneki got back up on his feet. “I don’t really have a choice in the matter do I?”

“Nope.”

The white haired male cracked his finger.

 

Meanwhile, Kazuto was on the hot seat. He drummed his fingers on the table and looked at the two males sitting across from him.

Hide had bombed him with questions, most of them being normal like his favorite color and age and such. But there were some that didn’t make sense at all.

( _“Would you rather have nipples the size of your dick or a dick the size of your nipples?”_

_Kazuto thought about it for a while. “Would my dick be the size of both of my nipples or not?”_

_“Yeah, they would.”_

_“Then I would have nipples the size of my dick.”_

_Hide nodded in approval. “Good choice man.”_

_Tsukiyama, who would choose a dick the size of his nipples, left the table and stood outside Anteiku, trying to regain his bearings._

_How could Kaneki-kun fall in love with such an un-dolce man?_ )

The plus side is, he had managed to get on Hide’s good side after responding ‘21’ to 1000 - 7.

Thank god for shitty vines.

The purple haired guy, Tsukiyama, mainly stayed stayed quiet and glared at Kazuto, a frown in his face.

Oh well. You can’t win them all.

Kazuto looked his watch. An hour had passed and Kaneki still wasn’t there.

“Hey, Hide.” There was a small frown frown on Kazuto’s face. “Do you know what happened to Kaneki? He’s pretty late.”

Hide’s smile slackened. “He’s um...busy.”

“Really?” Kazuto rested his chin on his palm and looked more closely at him, his eyes narrowed slightly. “With what?”

The blonde was about to respond, but Tsukiyama cut in. “Some unexpected things have popped up. Kaneki-kun will need sometime to take care of them.”

His eyes were small slits and he bored holes into Kazuto’s very being. The teen scowled.

“Will he be alright though?”

“Of course!” Tsukiyama scowled, offended that someone would doubt Kaneki being unable to take care of some distractions. “Kaneki-kun is skilled in taking care of some ruffians.”

“Ruffians?” Kazuto raised his eyebrows. “Kaneki can fight?”

“Oui.” Tsukiyama then began to recall his first ‘date’ with Kaneki all the events that came afterwards.

Kazuto was wow'd.

 

By the time the fight had ended, Kaneki was at least 2 hours late to Anteiku.

He was a complete mess, with his uniform all rumpled up and dirty and his face marred by a black eye, a split lip, and some blood smeared on his cheek. His hair wasn’t in any better condition.

Nishio wasn’t any better. In fact, he was worse off than Kaneki. The white haired male felt a small twinge of pride in that, but then he remembered how Kimi felt about Nishio . His stomach churned with guilt.

He had two options: Take Nishio back to Anteiku with him and get caught red-handed or leave him there and make Kimi sick with worry.

Kaneki chose the safest of the two options and lifted Nishio up to his feet, the taller male’s arm around his neck.

Carrying Nishio around would slow him down tremendously, as he was injured and Nishio was heavy.

Kaneki resumed his walk to Anteiku. He ignored the passersby whispering in their direction.

“Nishio-senpai, why did you attack me?” Kaneki asked. “You haven’t done that in about 2 years.”

The older male scowled and didn’t respond.

“You wouldn’t attack me for no reason.” The white haired male continued. “So why?”

Nishio figured telling the entire story would be a waste of time and lying would be a waste of creative thinking. So he settled on: “You gave me blue balls.”

Kaneki considered going into an alleyway and leaving Nishio in the trash.

He was about to make his decision when someone called his name.

“Kaneki-kun!” Uta walked over to him, taking long strides. “Are you okay? And what happened to your hair?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Kaneki touched his hair self-consciously. “I don’t really know what happened to my hair. Does it look bad?”

“You look fine. Kaneki-kun, are you headed to Anteiku?”

The white haired male nodded. “Yeah. I’m pretty late though.”

Uta's face became thoughtful. He pulled out his phone and looked at the time, then at the two injured males. "Kaneki-kun, would getting you and Nishio cleaned up before heading over to Anteiku be worth being a little more late? I think Yoshimura-san would appreciate his employees looking clean and presentable."

Kaneki looked down at his bloodied clothes and winced. His white collared undershirt was stained with blood. Blood. It was still fresh, but Kaneki did not look forward to trying to clean it when it dries.

"I think being a little more late would be worth it, Uta-san." He adjusted his hold on Nishio.

Uta nodded and began to walk away. "Follow me then."

The strides he took weren't particularly big, but Kaneki struggled to keep up, nonetheless.

 

"So Kirigaya-san." Tsukiyama said once he has finished his tale of Kaneki's past. "What do you like about Kaneki-kun?"

Kazuto, not expecting such a blunt question, began to choke on his cappuccino.

Hide took that time to elbow Tsukiyama. "We're supposed to be subtle." He hissed. "Subtle."

"I'm not sure if you've realized, mon ami." The last part was said with a sneer. "But learning more about Kirigaya-san also means finding out how he feels about Kaneki-kun."

"Yeah, but you could have been less obvious." Hide pouted. "Now he might get a clue about the real reason we're asking all these questions."

"And what would he do if he did?" Tsukiyama waved it off. "He'd just think we have the wrong idea about the two of them. Perhaps it would make him reevaluate his own feelings about Kaneki-kun."

Kazuto overcame his coughing fit and blurted out. "He smells nice. Really nice."

Tsukiyama did not know whether to be glad or mad that he and the teenager liked the same thing about Kaneki.

Hide simply did not know what to say because wow- that was _totally_ not creepy. So he simply got out his phone to check if he had any missed messages.

Kazuto's stomach sank lower and lower as more time passed without Kaneki's friend giving a response.

Oh god. He fucked up. Kazuto gulped down the rest of his cappuccino, the hot liquid burning his esophagus as it went down his throat.

Then Tsukiyama spoke, each syllable said slowly and carefully enunciated. "Kaneki-kun, _does_ have an interesting scent."

"Er, yeah." Kazuto said. "He does."

Before they could continue their conversation, Hide stood up. "Well, Uta texted me.” He leaned down into the purple haired male’s ear and whispered. “Kaneki’s taking a shower there. About 20 minutes until he comes.”

Tsukiyama nodded and pulled out his wallet, paying for all three of them. "It's time to go then." He stood up and followed the blonde in leaving Anteiku. "Adios, Kirigaya-san."

Kazuto waved at their retreating backs. “Bye.”

After a moment, he called Touka over to order another cappuccino. He didn’t want to get kicked out for loitering.

Kazuto drummed his fingers on the table and sighed. He hoped Kaneki would come soon.

 

Ohashi and Kimi, who were sitting at a distant table, watched their target, Kirigaya Kazuto, take a tentative sip of his cappuccino and nearly die at how hot the liquid was.

Ohashi snickered. “What a dork.”

Kimi nodded.

The two continued watching him, waiting for the signal.

About 5 minutes later, Hide texted them.

Ohashi and Kimi nodded at each other, then moved in, fully prepared to do what Hide and Tsukiyama were unable to do.

Grill him.

Kazuto had a bad feeling about the two women that took a seat across from him. One even worse than how he felt when he first entered Anteiku.

They smiled at him.

Kazuto gulped.

 

The conversation with Kimi and Ohashi had started out normal enough, nothing too menacing or complicated.

But then slowly- slowly- it has become about his ex-girlfriend.

The transition was so gradual and unassuming, that Kazuto couldn't bring himself to be suspicious that they were prying into his love life.

"Asuna was..." He wrapped his hands around the cup, relishing the heat. "Asuna was my everything."

"Was?" Ohashi rested her chin on her palm. She leaned forward slightly. "What happened?"

"She broke up with me."

"Why?"

Kazuto sipped his cappuccino. "I don't know."

The atmosphere after that became tense. No one knew what exactly to say in order to move the conversation along.

Kimi frowned. This was not good. They still hadn't discovered much info on the teen. While his ex-girlfriend told them about Kazuto's tastes (it didn't tell much, actually. Only that he was attracted to girls.), they still needed more info.

Playing nice had only led to an awkward silence.

Kimi summoned her inner Nishio and barked out questions in such a manner that Kazuto was compelled to reply as fast and as honestly as he could, unable to give thought to his answers.

Ohashi pulled out her phone and turned on the recorder, capturing every question asked and every answer received.

She sipped her caramel frappuccino.

 

Uta didn't have any spare Anteiku uniforms, so Kaneki was forced to re-wear his dirty uniform.

"Sorry, Kaneki-kun." He patted the seat next to him in the couch. "Why don't you take a seat while we wait for Nishio-kun?"

Nishio himself muttered a 'fucking finally', before slamming the door and locking himself on the bathroom.

Kaneki accepted the offer and sat down. "Thank you, Uta-san."

The older male hummed in acknowledgement. After a moment, he asked a question. "Kaneki-kun, do you mind if I retake your measurements?"

"Why?"

"To pass time." Uta looked at the bathroom door, where the off key singing came from. "I have a feeling Nishio-kin is going to take a long time."

Kaneki nodded. "Go ahead then."

      

“Do you have a girlfriend or anyone?” Uta asked.

Kaneki just shrugged.

 

While Tsukiyama and Hide focused more on finding out Kazuto’s personality, Kimi and Ohashi had changed their focus from backstory to his feelings. Namely about Kaneki.

Kazuto's palms were sweaty and it became harder for him for him to lift his drink to his lips without fear of dropping it.

Kimi and Ohashi smiled at him. Kazuto gulped and prepared himself for another round of questions.

 

Nishio was still showering when by the time Uta had finished re-taking Kaneki’s measurements.

Kaneki didn’t know if he could take being any later than he was now. “Uta-san, I’ll be leaving now.”

He waved at the white haired male. “Bye.”

Once Kaneki was out the door, Uta text both Kimi and Ohashi.

_‘Kaneki-kun just left. Only 10 minutes until he arrives.’_

**‘k.’**

 

Kaneki broke into a sprint the very moment he had exited Uta’s home. He knew he was at least 2 hours and 30 minutes late.

Oh god. Touka was going to be so pissed off at him for making her do his work. And Yoshimura-

Kaneki didn’t want to think about Yoshimura’s reaction.

 

The questions about Kaneki had ended, much to Kazuto's relief. But now they were about his preferences, making him question his sexuality.

"So let's say you're stuck in a stereotypical love triangle," Ohashi began. "One is a close friend that you know would never leave you or betray you. The other is some one you haven't known very long time, pretty shady, but is sexy and mysterious."

Kazuto scratched his cheek. "I guess my close friend?"

"Why?"

"Because they're reliable and I can feel safe around them?"

"Would you still date then if they were a guy?" Ohashi pressed on.

"Um." Kazuto never really thought about this kind of stuff. His stomach sunk. "Um."

Ohashi and Kimi sharpened their gaze. Kazuto felt like throwing up.

He didn't want to answer this. He really didn't want to answer this.

The door to Anteiku slammed open and Kaneki ran in, his cheeks red from running and uniform matted with rips and blood stains.

He had a black eye and split lip- and for some reason his hair was white.

Kazuto had never been more grateful to see him.

Ohashi and Kimi gathered up their things and quickly left Anteiku, leaving the teenager by himself.

Kazuto sipped his cappuccino, a small satisfied smile on his face, and watched Kaneki run to the back of the store then come out with a relieved expression in his face.

Touka came over and punched his shoulder, muttering something under her breath. Kaneki smiled and rubbed the back of his head.

Kazuto finished the rest of his cappuccino and waved at Kaneki so he could order another drink.

He was not going to be able to sleep tonight. He just knew it.

 

"Hi." Kaneki's cheeks were lightly tinted with red. "Sorry I'm late."

"It's fine. And what happened your hair?"

"I'm not really sure myself. I think it was Hinami." Kaneki touched the back of it. "Why do you ask?"

Kazuto shrugged. "You look cool with it."

The flush on Kaneki's cheeks darkened and spread to his ears.

Kazuto snickered and took a picture. "I'll order a cappuccino, if you don't mind."

The white haired male wrote it down. "W-will that be all?"

"Yeah."

When Kaneki returned, the blush was still on his face.

Kazuto's chest puffed up with pride and he sent the pic to Klein.

_At Anteiku w/ Kaneki._

**is kaneki that guy you ran off to on that one friday.**

Kazuto paused. _Maybe._

**shouldnt you show this to suguha or something. he looks cool btw**

“Hey, Kaneki.” Kazuto said once Kaneki passed by. “Klein thinks you look cool.”

“Tell him I said thanks.”

_I’ll show Sugu later. And Kaneki said thanks._

 

‘Later’ for Kazuto meant during their next meet up in Dicey Cafe, which was owned by Agil.

He was sitting next to Klein and Silica. Suguha, who was across from him, sat in between Lisbeth and Asuna.

“Oh yeah.” He had said out of the blue while talking about their next raid. “This is Kaneki.”

He pulled out his phone and showed them a picture of a blushing white haired male in a waiter uniform.

Suguha narrowed her eyes. “That guy you spent the night at on that one Friday, right?”

“Uh. Yeah.”

She narrowed her eyes further.

Lisbeth immediately felt a kinship with Kaneki. People with odd colored hair were good in his books. “Kazuto, you should bring him over so we can meet him!”

Everyone looked at the teen.

Kazuto just laughed and scratched the back of his head. “We’ll see.”

When the conversation returned to something normal, like that once epic mace Lisbeth wanted, Kazuto swore to himself to never let Kaneki and his friends to meet. Ever.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be participating in Camp NaNoWriMo, so the next chapter may be delayed.   
> Thank you for reading!  
> Now I guess I'l watch The Devil Is A Part Timer.  
> o/


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